Every time I bring up how much we need a female equivalent of Indiana Jones or James Bond, SOME ASSHOLE THINKS I MEAN ‘TOMB RAIDER’.

THEY ARE WRONG.

My English teacher told me to take a risk so I’m writing an adult novel about a sentient badger cowgirl who runs a ship full of space pirates

leeeeeeeeeegooooooooolaaaaaaaaas:

Can you imagine if Tolkien gave the Elves typical elf names though

"All would pay homage to him, even the great Elven King, Thistle Whistle."

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Jingle Jangle of the Woodland Realm."

“Well met, lord Twinkles!”

(via evilbrat2013)

I just dreamed that I was in a downward-spiralling relationship with a box of unsalted soda crackers, so Ian McKellen rose out of a lake to tell me that some people just aren’t meant to be together romantically, and that friendship was just as valuable so I should just enjoy what came naturally instead of forcing it.

Reading a fanfic:
“Holy crap, you haven’t updated in a month! I’m going to die! What the hell is wrong with you?????????”
Writing a fanfic:
“I could dump something out tonight but I updated in 2011 so I dunno.”

felixdawkins:

how come every vampire in vampire stories is a hundred years old tho why cant we get a newbie vampire like

"how long have you been 17"
“about a year and a half actually its kinda trippy”

(via hotpizzarolls)

*Kocks on bathroom door.*
“What’cha doin’?”

At my old school our social studies teacher taught us nothing except the evolution of cavemen for three months, and it turns out she wasn’t even our real socials teacher, she was just the substitute hired when our teacher got sick and nobody told her to leave when it turned out to be cancer.